Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This is Your Life

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" - Switchfoot

I've asked myself this over and over through the years. There are times that the answer was a resounding "no" and the question pushed me to change, to correct my life course - sometimes in little ways, but more often, in huge, life-altering ways. I left a soul-crushing job for one that was energizing and empowering. I left a job I loved and was good at to stay at home and raise a family. I left a city and a mortgage I was comfortable with to move halfway across the country. And I've never regretted any of it. But in the course of all of that, I managed to neglect someone who is really important. Me.

I have struggled with my weight ever since I can remember, and even when I was thin, I didn't believe it. After Maddie was born and I was starting to feel human again, I decided to take charge and remake my shape. I was turning 30 that year and I wanted to celebrate life and myself, so we dubbed it "The Year of Me." I signed up for a triathlon and began going to a 5:30am fitness boot camp. Days later, I found out I was pregnant with Gavin. Given that I'm hardly able to function while pregnant, the tri was out the window, and I thought maybe I'd missed my window of opportunity. Instead of "The Year of Me," it turned into the year of Gavin, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but it definitely took its toll.

Fast forward to January 2012. I had an energetic 1 year-old, a passionate (almost) 3 year old, and we had just moved our family across the country to where we dreamed of living. But, I was at my highest non-pregnant weight. I was fat, slow, and winded after climbing the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" No. Not yet.

So I signed up for a triathlon (again!), read tons of books on the sport (because who are we kidding, I have to research everything), and chose a training plan that has me working out 5-6 days a week. I began tracking all of my food at myfitnesspal.com (which is free, of course), and the weight began to come off. But something else happened. It stopped being about the weight. Losing weight has never NOT been about the weight for me, and I've certainly been down the weightloss path before.

But something changed. I began to love the world of the triathlon - the people, the races, the stories, the gear (I'm a geek; of course I love the gear!), the TRAINING. That's right...the training is addictive. And fun. And suddenly my weight loss goals seemed a little silly. I no longer knew what weight I wanted to be at; I just knew I wanted to be fit, and healthy, and I want a stronger engine to power my racing.

So here I am, a work in progress. This is me, one year ago, and me, last Saturday. The weight loss is obvious, but maybe what's not as apparent is the confidence. I'm now at the weight that I originally thought was my goal. Now, I know I'm not there yet.

before and after1

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" Not yet. But I'm getting there.

17 comments:

  1. SOOO Inspiring Amy! Words just can't express how proud of you I am :) Love you Girl!!! ~Nikki S.

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    1. Thanks, Nikki! I'm no longer the girl at the gym wondering how the skinny chics got that way. ;-)

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  2. So,so,so,SO proud of you!!!! I too have struggled and within the last year it has become more about the great workou that....wait for it....I ACTUALLY ENJOY!! I feel like beyon what I am doing for myself, more importantly I'm an example for my family. As are you. Love You!!

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    1. Awww, thanks! I love enjoying working out. Totally amazing. It's cool that all of us are turning this corner at the same time and making this statement about being healthy. It's a great message for our kids...and for us!

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  3. Oh my goodness! What an inspiration!

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  4. You do look super strong and healthy, and I'm glad to see it. :)

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  5. Someday I hope there will be an opportunity to actually meet up with you, Amy. I'm proud of you and all that you have accomplished with your life. You are also journaling your life in a very enjoyable, readable way. Keep up your good work! It's truly worth the effort! , , , in more ways than one!

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  6. Amy,
    You look terrific! I just wanted to let you know that reading about your progress on fb completely motivated me to start making different choices. I am not doing triathlons yet, but today was my 30th day in a row of exercising and tracking what I eat. I am halfway to my goal weight and I just feel so much better. My clothes fit better. I have more energy, and I definitely have more confidence. Thanks for motivating me!
    Monica

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    1. Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. Honestly, I never even thought I might inspire someone else. Great job making changes for yourself, and thank you for sharing your success with me!

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  7. You are so courageous to not just say things out loud to yourself (bc let's be honest, admitting to self is usually hardest), but to post your story online. I am so proud of you for getting healthy. It sounds as if not just your body but your frame of mind are all getting there. The part that struck me was "Even when I was skinny, I didn't believe it." It really shows the amazing journey you've been on and how far you've come. I'm so proud of you and love you so much.

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    1. I love you, too! This journey has been amazing. I still catch myself acting and thinking like the fat girl, letting her scripts run through my mind. I'm NOT HER. Never again.

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  8. You are so courageous to not just say things out loud to yourself (bc let's be honest, admitting to self is usually hardest), but to post your story online. I am so proud of you for getting healthy. It sounds as if not just your body but your frame of mind are all getting there. The part that struck me was "Even when I was skinny, I didn't believe it." It really shows the amazing journey you've been on and how far you've come. I'm so proud of you and love you so much.

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  9. Really great Amy! What you have done and are continuing to do is so good for you and a great example to your "passionate" 3-year old and your 18 month old!
    Lots of love!

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  10. Fantastic! Congrats, Amy! Fitness for achievement is so much better than fitness for looks. There's power in it and confidence that never really seems to be there when the changes are just about the mirror. What's great is that it all comes together in a power package. You rock, momma!

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    1. It's so true that fitness for achievement is better than fitness for looks. I feel powerful. I'd rather feel powerful than feel tiny. I was able to feel tiny when I was really thin and when I was really large. This powerful lady? She rocks.

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  11. Thank you all so much for your comments and your support. This has been an amazing journey so far...I can't wait to see where it takes me!

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